http://rrwriting.com/blog Joe's Blog en http://rrwriting.com/2008/11/22/mexican-food-mystery-why-can%E2%80%99t-canadians-prepare-it-way-we-arizonans-it Being a resident of Arizona, I am naturally an expert on Mexican food. I know this because clients from Ohio, which shares no border with Mexico, tell me so. They come a calling from their cooler, Mid-western clime and ask for an “authentic” Mexican food experience. I recognize this as code for the desire to be taken to a dumpy, hole-in-the-wall joint that, never the less, won’t get them food poisoned. I know just such a place. The clients leave happy, if slightly bloated, and the bill is much lower than it might have been had we eaten somewhere nicer. I mean, less authentic. In Vancouver, British Columbia, however, there is no such sense of decency. Don’t get me started on the Canadians. These people will stop at nothing until they have appropriated all of our precious American popular culture and made it their own. They send talented entertainer types like Jim Carrey south of the border to learn all our secrets. And before you know it, they are diluting the purity of our American way with their own versions of coffee shops, health food supermarkets, chain movie theaters and, of course, Mexican restaurants. This came to my attention on a recent visit to Vancouver last summer. In the evening, my companion, Bernadeane, and I, enjoyed walking in the neighborhood called Yaletown, famed for its numerous dining options. Indeed, on a single street we passed Thai, Italian, Japanese, Vietnamese, and Spanish restaurants, all clearly stolen straight from the US of A. We of course bypassed the so-called Canadian restaurants--we hardly came to Vancouver for that! Towards the end of the week, we became tempted by a Mexican restaurant we’d seen, probably missing home a little. Were we in for a surprise! The restaurant had only recently opened and one of the partners greeted us at the door, eager to share their menu. He began to explain that this establishment was different, that they served authentic Mexican food --“none of those burritos and tacos they try to pass off for Mexican food in other places,” he told us knowingly. What kind of culture-appropriating Canadians did he mistake us for? I had no idea what the man was speaking about, but I knew he didn’t serve authentic Mexican food. For one thing, where was the hole-in-the-wall décor? This restaurant was extremely well furnished, with dark leather booths, fancy track lighting and table cloths! A surreptitious glance at the menu revealed entrees costing $20-$30. Authentic? If the food was so real, shouldn’t it be cheaper rather than more expensive, so that real Mexican people who enjoyed a far lower standard of living could afford it too? I was outraged, not just for myself, but for all Mexican-food loving peoples. My indignation must have shown on my face, because our potential host quickly changed tact, seeking to engage us on a personal level. “Where are you from?” he asked. “Arizona,” I told him, unable to keep the hint of a challenge from my voice. “Oh,” he brightened immediately, “so you know real Mexican food.” “We love it,” Bernadeane answered, innocently enough, but I politely excused us from this unpleasant encounter and led us back out into the mild Vancouver evening. “What was wrong with that place?” she said. But I was too irate to explain. Instead I guided us into a Canadian restaurant nearby, where I gratefully ordered a goat cheese ravioli, Brazilian skirt stake and buttermilk fried chicken. The food calmed me, but the writing was on the wall: these northern people would stop at nothing in their desire to seize our way of life and make it their own. http://rrwriting.com/2008/11/22/mexican-food-mystery-why-can%E2%80%99t-canadians-prepare-it-way-we-arizonans-it#comments humor Sat, 22 Nov 2008 10:46:47 -0800 jbardin 45 at http://rrwriting.com http://rrwriting.com/2008/10/18/what%E2%80%99s-your-marketing-writing-speed-relevance%E2%84%A2 SEO? What about SOR? SEO, or search engine optimization, can help draw people to your site. You load up your content with key words by which people search for what you offer, and voila, your hits increase. But what happens once they get to your site? Does your marketing writing create a connection? Have you clearly communicated what you offer? And have you achieved this before your visitor has clicked on to the next site his search turned up? That's where SOR, or Speed of Relevance is so critical. Speed of Relevance refers to how quickly and efficiently you connect with your reader. Because if you don't connect and do it fast, they ain't stickin around anyway. Relevance is achieved through correct content and tone. Are you speaking to your audience’s needs and interests? Are you writing in language they can relate to? SOR is not about being in a hurry, it's about getting to the point. Which requires you to know what the point precisely is--not for you, but for your readers. For example, engineers despise writing that concerns itself with anything other than factual information. They consider everything else fluff. So if you're writing for that audience, you better lead with facts and figures. Teachers, on the other hand, care deeply about purpose and values. So if you're writing for that audience, you want to touch the heart in fairly short order. There's really no point in piling up keywords on your site, if those words become an obstacles to getting your message across. On my site, for example, no one wants to wade through a thousand references to copywriting, ghostwriting, and marketing writing. They are already well aware that they are looking for a writer. The question is: what can I do for them? And the answer? Establish and improve their SOR. http://rrwriting.com/2008/10/18/what%E2%80%99s-your-marketing-writing-speed-relevance%E2%84%A2#comments business Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:17:04 -0700 jbardin 44 at http://rrwriting.com http://rrwriting.com/2008/09/29/adoption-anxiety-a-tortoise-comes-home There is only one legal way to gain custody of a Desert Tortoise in Arizona and that is through adoption. One does not simply walk in and walk out. One must first display one’s fitness for assuming such responsibility. But rather than my own personal makeup, what the Phoenix Herpetological Society seemed most concerned with was my yard. Did it have shade? Was it fenced in? Did it have room to roam? I had to take photos to prove it. The next hurdle was to find the damn place in order to drop off my paperwork. The address listed on their website turned out to be a PO Box at a mailbox store in a strip mall in Scottsdale. When I walked in the bank next door to inquire about a Herpetological Society, the tellers knew nothing. However, I did learn that the manager raised tortoises herself and had babies to give away. I could have gone black market, but I didn’t want a bastard tortoise. I wanted one with papers, with legitimacy. What if Sherriff Arpaio did a round up? Turns out the actual Phoenix Herpetological Society is located in a converted house off Dynamite Road near Scottsdale Road. When I got there to deliver my papers, the gate didn’t work so I had to hand my file through the bars. A quick review got me an invitation back that Saturday morning at 9am for orientation. Saturday morning at 9am? How much did I really want this little Gopherus agassizii in my life? Come Saturday morning the gates were wide open and the place was crawling with people, not to mention reptiles. They had the tortoises numbered and loaded in plastic bins. We humans were numbered as well in the order we would be allowed to choose. I came up 12 out of about 30. In front of me, at number 11, were parents with a young daughter and son. Behind me stood a gay couple who were suspiciously knowledgeable of desert tortoises, I thought, considering the strict prohibition, clearly posted on the web site, against owning more than one. I considered it, but decided not to turn them in. I realized I had bigger things to think about. Since these tortoises can live to over 100 years, I was about to make a choice I would have to live with for a long, long time. But like the NBA draft, it wasn’t just about which tortoise you want, it’s about whose going to be available when your pick comes up. A mammoth size tortoise, over a foot in length was constantly tipping his bin over, impressively scattering lettuce on the path. You always want to draft a high-energy big guy, but would he be available at number 12? Doubting it, I scanned the other tortoises for more options. In the end, I selected Maurice-Pierre, for his lively nature and the higher rise in his shell. When I picked him up, his legs churned in the air in a vain effort to escape, and I looked around anxiously for a box to carry him in. For a moment, I was nearly overwhelmed by the sheer responsibility of the life, albeit reptilian, I held in my hands. Why hadn’t I drafted, I mean, chosen a more docile tortoise? Would I even manage to get out of the parking lot with him? The Herpetology Society had tagged him so they would immediately know what an unfit tortoise adopter I was! Fortunately, I found a box and got him home. We’ve both been acclimating since. http://rrwriting.com/2008/09/29/adoption-anxiety-a-tortoise-comes-home#comments humor Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:44:11 -0700 jbardin 43 at http://rrwriting.com http://rrwriting.com/2008/07/12/ode-ac-how-arizona-has-changed-me The greatest invention of the twentieth century is clearly air conditioning. But I would have never even known this had I not become an Arizonan. I would still be back East somewhere, overly impressed by nuclear power or the Internet or some such gadget, like the rest of 'em. The Internet, in case you’re wondering, requires A/C to keep its cool. So let’s don’t get the cart stuck in front of the horse, shall we. History buffs will be quick to point out that air conditioning dates back to the Roman, Persian and Chinese empires. But I refer to the electronic variety, the stuff that gets you through the dog days. It was invented by one Willis Haviland Carrier in 1902. It is thanks to Mr. Haviland that I can now see my breath in the movie theater, and that the Valley of the Sun is inhabitable at all, for that matter. Unless we were all to make like Frank Lloyd Wright, who camped here during the winter months and then marched back to Wisconsin for the summer. But let’s leave history behind. After all, isn’t that what we come to Arizona for? Being a year-around Arizonan changes one’s sense of temperature. I now use “warm” to describe temperatures in the 90’s just like the weather people, saving up “hot” for when it’s really necessary. They say Arizona’s heat thins the blood. I’m not sure if this is true, but I do know that temperatures don’t mean what they used to living in DC and New York. 60 degrees Fahrenheit is now downright cool, never mind the Minnesotans sporting shorts and t-shirts during their December visits. The obverse of course is true as well. Temperatures in the 20’s and 30’s always seemed cold to me, but now they strike me as simply gratuitous. Clearly, cold needs to have the opportunity to express itself, just as hot does, but does it have to take it to such extremes? And no, I don’t miss the seasons. Which brings me to a chicken/egg conundrum. Has Arizona changed me? Or has it simply brought out who I was all the way along? A person who prefers heat to cold, with the intervention of blessed A/C at the ready. http://rrwriting.com/2008/07/12/ode-ac-how-arizona-has-changed-me#comments Arizona humor Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:20:06 -0700 jbardin 40 at http://rrwriting.com http://rrwriting.com/2008/06/17/napping-and-ethos-freelancer Why freelance? The question comes up, particularly when clients are being difficult or hard to come by. Or both. Why bear the responsibility of being ones own business, when you could perhaps just as easily work under someone else’s roof, earn half the hourly rate, but halve your worry as well? When we walked away from employment, we left behind a kind of stability, or at least the perception thereof. We replaced the certainty of structure, with the question of action. Would our actions produce enough business to keep us in business? Or did this sort of rainmaking power belong exclusively to those who owned the firms that had previously employed us. Yet, survival isn’t the only source of distress. As a freelancer, I have seen some highly disquieting things. I have flown hundreds of miles, only to have the marketing vp of a major Hollywood studio yawn in my face, her sharpened teeth plainly showing. I have been stonewalled by an ex-NBA All Star, even though he hired me. I have watched clients for whom English was clearly a foreign language systematically overwrite my work, word by word, until little more remained than the ashes of a subhead, a comma, an ellipse . . . So why freelance? The short answer is naps, and the inherent freedom, health and creativity embodied therein. I first discovered naps when I parted ways with coffee eight years ago. (Naps are the uncoffee.) Conveniently, I had a couch in my home office, and very catlike, I simply lay down every time the coffee I wasn’t drinking anymore made its absence felt. Since then, I have established a culture of napping throughout my organization. That is, I still keep a couch in my office. I find it makes the workforce more productive and less likely to become cranky, which boosts effectiveness and customer satisfaction. Now I hear tell some companies have incorporated napping into their own cultures, nap rooms and all. Well kudos to them. But who’s to say this nap-friendly policy will last come tough times? Will the powers that be continue to see the value in taking the edge off for twenty minutes each afternoon? Or will they crack the productivity whip and force you to snooze in front of your monitor, risking a stiff neck and already fuzzy dreams slightly fuzzier with low-level radiation? In point of fact, doesn’t this nap-while-the-napping’s good scenario perfectly illustrate the fundamental fallacy of employment—that it somehow offers greater stability than you can give yourself? As a freelance writer, I’ve seen creatives hired and fired in a matter of months as agencies gained and lost accounts. I think it’s safe to extrapolate that in losing their jobs, they probably lost whatever nap privileges they’d had as well. Don’t get me wrong, I still sometimes question the course I’ve chosen. But when I do, I always remind myself: at least I know where my next nap is coming from! http://rrwriting.com/2008/06/17/napping-and-ethos-freelancer#comments Freelancing humor Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:31:51 -0700 jbardin 38 at http://rrwriting.com http://rrwriting.com/2008/05/12/freelancing-through-recession-how-our-puniness-protects-us Freelancing through recession: How our puniness protects. We freelancers are prone to posing. We blithely assume such titles as President, CEO, Founder and the like, when our only subordinates are ourselves, difficult as we may be to supervise. We regularly buttress our business identities with names suggestive of manpower and resources we do not possess. And we tend to pretend to office acreage, when we in fact work steps from our kitchen, usually without shoes on. All in the name of ambition, success, and a general sense of grownupness we feel we might otherwise lack. Which is all in good fun in the long run, unless we begin believing our pretensions. For example, a fellow freelance writer recently attributed a slowdown in his business to the recession. As the marketplace stutters and stumbles, he was poised to be as affected as the next major enterprise, say Merrill Lynch and Pulte Homes, for example. But before we take the big fall with the big boys, let’s look at some numbers. $13.8 trillion was the US gross domestic product in 2007 (according to Wikipedia). That’s $13,800,000,000,000. Recession means that number fails to grow for two successive quarters and even declines. Could you still carve out a decent living if that number somehow dropped to say, $13,500,000,000,000? Would there be anything left for you and your enterprise? I think so. Of course we’d rather see a booming economy, but no one is better positioned to thrive in an economic downturn than freelancers. We’re flexible, with no one to redirect or retrain for new markets but ourselves (assuming we’ll cooperate with that pompous President/CEO/Chairman.) Low overhead—at least until Starbucks raises its rents. And the attendant corporate downsizing means more work for us! We’re simply too puny to be affected by such economic indicators. This may hurt us in the delusions of grandeur department, but its great news for our cash flow, which we can always spend on upgraded letterhead and business cards to compensate. http://rrwriting.com/2008/05/12/freelancing-through-recession-how-our-puniness-protects-us#comments Freelancing humor Mon, 12 May 2008 16:24:52 -0700 jbardin 3 at http://rrwriting.com